Stumbling Toward

Syn

NC-17

I do not own these characters.

Summary: Harry is determined to show Ginny that she cannot marry another man and that she is still madly in love with him.

Notes: Written for Adi Pose. Sequel to Stumbling Away.  Enjoy! J

 

****

 

Ginny stood at the door to her flat, trying to control her sobs.  She wasn't actually crying, but she wanted to and had several times on the way home.  She ran a hand through her tangled hair, smoothing down her rumbled clothes.  She was sticky and warm between her shaking legs.  She smelled like sin and sex and Harry's bed, Harry's breath and Harry, Harry, Harry. 

 

She clenched her fists, keeping her leaping heart from clawing out of her chest.  What had she done? 

 

But she knew.  She'd slept with Harry, Harry who had hurt her so many times over the past year.  Harry, who could break her resolve with a single look.  Harry.  Harry, the only man she'd ever truly...

 

She swallowed that last thought and told herself she was just distraught, she wasn't thinking clearly.  She stared at the door to her flat, knowing that inside her fiancé was waiting for her.  That made her want to cry all over again.  Zacharias Smith was a nice guy, sweet and caring.  He'd been there for her after she had broken up with Harry.  He'd treated her like gold, like a goddess.  They'd never fought once.  She loved him. 

 

Right?

 

She squeezed her eyes shut, fighting down panic.  She fished into her robes and pulled out a compact, flipping it open so that she could study her face in the tiny circular mirror.  Her brown eyes were rimmed with red, puffy and haunted.  She noted her mussed look, her kiss-swollen lips and smudged mascara.  Her hair was disheveled and matted.  She stared at herself.  The face in the mirror was the face of an adulteress.  She'd cheated on her soon-to-be-husband.

 

Her gut roiled, but the guilt wasn't quite as overwhelming as she thought it should have been.  The tiniest cherry pit in her stomach.  She bit down on her bottom lip. 

 

She couldn't stand out there all night.  She knew Zach was waiting for her inside, no doubt wondering where she'd got off to, but not worried.  No, he wouldn't worry because he liked that she was independent, that they could spend time apart...  Another soft, low sob escaped her, spinning into the air and dispersing near her ear. 

 

"What am I going to do?"

 

What could she do?  She'd cheated on Zach with Harry and there was no going back.  She could tell Zach, but that would only hurt him, hurt everyone.  Their engagement party was in three days.  She couldn't ruin that.  She was too cowardly to tell him the truth.  So she'd just have to lie.  She'd deal with what she'd done and swallow her guilt and the lie would still remain, a cherry pit lodged in her stomach for eternity. 

 

Ginny braced herself and unlocked the door.  The flat was warm and cozy and it smelled like Zach, a pleasant mixture of sandalwood and afternoon breezes.  Tears struck her eyes as the smell struck her senses, but she forced them down.  If she were going to get away with this, she'd have to convince even herself.  Especially herself. 

 

Zach was puttering around in their small kitchen, making himself a sandwich.  He smiled as she walked in, his broad grin dear and infectious.  Ginny returned it, though it was only a shadow of her usual smile. 

 

"There you are," Zach said, flipping his blonde hair out of his face. "I was wondering where you'd got off to.  How was your day?"

 

Ginny shrugged. "Not bad.  Had a long day at work though.  I'm absolutely exhausted."

 

Zach peered at her in a sympathetic way. "You look like someone's put you through the wringer, love.  How about a bite to eat, eh?"

 

"Oh, I picked up something on the way home, that's...why I'm late," she lied, flashing him a tight-lipped smile as she moved into the flat. "Honestly honey, I really am tired.  I just need a shower and bed."

 

Zach shrugged. "Alright then, have it your way.  Want me to come in and scrub your back?"

 

Ginny thought about it a moment and then realized she didn't know if Harry had left any marks on her body.  She'd bet money that he had.  Panic seized her for a moment before she shook her head. "No, no...eat your dinner.  I just need to relax in the spray."

 

And with that, she marched out of the room and immediately entered their bathroom.  She closed and, for the first time ever, locked the bathroom door behind her.  The sound of the lock clicking was accusatory.  She squeezed her eyes shut for a moment, trying to quiet the shouting in her head.  She turned to the shower and turned the water on; steam immediately billowed up in hoary clouds.

 

She took a deep breath and pulled her outer robes off, knowing at once what she'd find.  Harry had ripped her shirt off her, literally.  One sleeve was fastened on by a few threads, but that was it.  She stared mournfully at her blouse, then pointed her wand at it. "Reparo!"

 

The sleeve sewed itself back up in a flash.  Ginny's sigh of relief was caught somewhere in her chest.  She stripped the shirt off and pulled her skirt down on her hips, remembering the way Harry had just--  No.  No, she couldn't think about him.  She had to stop.  She wasn't supposed to be thinking about him at all, she was over him, finally over him...

 

"Then why did you tell him you still love him?" she whispered, looking up into the mirror over the sink.  Her haunted reflection stared mournfully back at her, accusing her, telling her things she didn't want to hear. "Why, Ginny?"

 

She turned her head to the side and saw a bruising love bite on her neck.  It stood out against her skin, like bruise on a fruit.  Her heart gave a spasm.  If she hadn't been wearing her hair down, Zach would have seen it...would have known...

 

She vanished it with a wave of her wand and ran her fingertips over the now pale flesh.  Done so easily, the erasure of her crime. 

 

She turned away from her reflection, avoiding the question because answering it might frighten her witless.  She didn't want to think about Harry, so she wouldn't.  She was going to marry Zach and have fat babies and be happy for the rest of her life.  A tear started in her eye and slipped down her red cheek as she stripped off her bra and then her knickers.  Her knickers were ripped too, on one side.  She mended them up, noticing the wet stain on the crotch.

 

She shuddered, realizing she'd brought him home with her...  Even that little bit made her whole body ache. 

 

"Oh God."

 

She cleaned up the stain with her wand and shoved all of her clothes into the hamper, deep down.  She'd burn them tomorrow, while Zach was at work.  She knew she'd never be able to wear any of it again.  That done, she stepped into the hot shower, letting the water hit her guilty skin, turning it bright red as it scorched her.  She hung her head, long red hair falling wetly against her face. 

 

Something was trying to claw out of her chest, something hot and hard and painful.  She stared at the drain between her feet, stared at the water swirling down, taking away the ghostly stain of Harry's mouth, which had been on every part of her body.  She let out a breath and grasped the soap and the loofa.  She lathered it up and scrubbed at her skin, eager to get the last traces of him off her flesh. 

 

"Go away," she whispered, like an invocation, a prayer.  She let her soapy hands wander over her pink skin, which was clean and tight.  She was searching, searching for something, some mark that he had left on her, something she hadn't found.  But there was nothing.  The love bite had been all.  She almost wished there was something else...

 

She moved her hand between her legs, where everything was wet and hot and still aroused.  She washed herself several times, ignoring the way her skin responded, ignoring the memories that wanted to take her over.  She rinsed herself off and then washed her whole body again. 

 

But there was no getting clean. 

 

"Ginny?" It was Zacharias, of course.  She'd been in the shower too long.  He was worried.  And she remembered that the door was locked.  What must he think about that?  He'd know.  He'd know and then...

 

"Yeah, hon?" she called, turning off the taps. 

 

"You okay?  You've been in for ages!"

 

She stepped out of the shower and wrapped a towel around her, then unlocked and opened the door.  Steam billowed out into their bedroom as she stood in the doorway, her heart hammering hard in her chest.  Zach's clear blue eyes studied her face. "Sorry, I was spacing and the hot water felt great on my shoulders."

 

"Why did you lock the door?" he asked as she wrapped her hair up in a towel.  She let her fingertips slid unconsciously over the place where the love bite had been.

 

"Did I?" she said and yawned. "Merlin, I must be tired.  I didn't even realize it."

 

As was Zach's way, he just smiled and grasped her hand.  The touch of his skin against hers made her heart leap upward and then crash to her toes. "Come on, you.  I think it's just about time you went to bed.  You look dead on your feet."

 

She laughed and the sound was extremely grating on her nerves. "I hope I don't look that bad!"

 

"Let's face it, Ginny, even tired and wrapped up in a towel--especially wrapped up in a towel--you're gorgeous," Zach said, gathering her up in his arms.  She smiled, but inwardly she was flinching away.  He would try to kiss her and she would let him because that's what they did.  They kissed each other because they were in love and in love people didn't cheat on each other but she had and oh God would he know where she'd been, would he know?  Would he know?

 

Zach leaned in and kissed her gently on the mouth.  So gently, as if she were going to break.  It was so different from the hard, hungry, angry kisses she'd endured and returned earlier that evening...  She forced Harry out of her mind and kissed Zach back, just as gently, wondering if he could feel the shudder in her limbs, could feel the cherry pit of guilt burning a hole in her stomach.  But he didn't. 

 

He just moved them toward the bed, his steps slow, deliberate and sweet.  She knew what he planned to do.  He wanted to make love to her, to send her off to sleep like he had so many times before, a blissful smile on her face, not a thought in her head.  But that wasn't going to work now.  Maybe ever again.   He drew her down on the bed and was reaching for the towel on her hair.  She stopped him, grasping his wrist and pulling away from his gentle mouth.

 

"Not tonight, Zach," she said wearily and she didn't have to fake it. "I think I'm too tired."

 

He pouted a bit, but it was clear he interpreted the haunted look in her eyes differently than she did.  He kissed her again, swiftly.

 

"Alright, lady love," he said gently. "I suppose I can wait until our wedding night..."

 

She knew what her appropriate response should be and she made it, choking out the words around a mouthful of guilt. "But that's months and months away...are you sure you can hold out that long?  Won't you miss me?"

 

Zach's sweet grin hit her hard in the gut. "Every single night.  Perhaps you'll change your mind before then? Maybe you won't be able to hold out that long?"

 

"You'd be surprised," she said cheekily as she smiled and got up.  She pulled a pair of knickers and one of Zach's pajama tops out of their dresser. She pulled them both on quickly, feeling his gaze lingering on her naked body in a way that made her skin crawl.  Then she climbed into the bed and pulled the covers over herself.  Zach watched her, shaking his head.

 

"I love you," he said.

 

Ginny just smiled.  She opened her mouth to say it back and choked on the words.  Instead, she squeezed out, "I don't deserve you."

 

Zach smiled and bent, kissing her forehead. "'Night, Ginny.  I'll be in after bit.  Got some paperwork to do."

 

She nodded and watched as he turned off the bedroom light and closed the door.  Darkness closed in on her.  The bed smelled like Zacharias and her mouth tasted like Harry.  She curled up into a tight ball and pulled the covers up over her head.  Tears threatened her eyes and she squeezed them shut, willing sleep to come, wanting to pass into dreams where she could forget what she'd done, where the cherry pit of guilt wouldn't drop like a stone in her belly. 

 

Sleep didn't come for her.  She was still awake when Zacharias came to bed two hours later.  He curled up around her and kissed her neck and she pretended to be asleep.  She hoped he wouldn't feel the wetness on her face and he didn't.

 

When she finally did go to sleep, she dreamed of Harry.  And in the dream, she was happy.

 

****

 

Harry felt alive, excited, nervous and insane.  Every breath he took made his nerves jump and sing and twist and shout.  He pounded his fist on Ron and Hermione's door rapidly.  The sound echoed and he heard footsteps.  Ron yanked open the door and stared at him for a second.

 

"Harry!  Hey, man..."

 

But Harry had already pushed past him into the flat.  He was jittery, jumping with excitement and quite ready to leap out of his skin.  Ron's friendly smile faded immediately as he really looked at him.  Harry saw apprehension flutter across the surface of his blue eyes.

 

"She loves me," Harry said, by way of explanation.  Ron's eyebrows went up.

 

"Who?"

 

"Ginny!" Harry said, tugging his hair back from his face. "She loves me!  She told me!"

 

Ron shook his head, closing the door behind Harry.  He looked pale and a little lost for words. "What do you mean, Harry?  Ginny told you she...what?"

 

Harry laughed, his heart leaping like a trapped frog in his chest. "Tonight, she told me she loved."

 

"But...she's...Harry, Ginny's..." Ron shifted uncomfortably from foot to foot. "She's engaged, Harry.  She's marrying Zacharias Smith.  She's been dating him, you know?"

 

Harry waved his hand. "So?  She doesn't love him.  She says she does, but I KNOW she doesn't.  She loves me, she always has and she always will and I love her!"

 

This seemed to be too much for Ron to take in.  He held up his hands. "Whoa...whoa...  WHAT?  Start at the beginning!  I thought you hated Ginny?  Isn't that why you broke up with her?  Because that's all I've been hearing the last year.  And as far as I know, you're at the top of Ginny's death wish list.  What the hell is going on?"

 

"Ron?" It was Hermione, peeking her head out of the bedroom.  She was wearing a dressing gown and her hair looked mussed.  Harry noticed belatedly that Ron wasn't wearing a shirt and his pajama bottoms looked slung on in haste. "Oh, Harry!  What's going on?  You look...strange..."

 

Harry laughed. "Because I'm happy, Hermione.  For the first time in a year, I'm finally happy!  Ginny loves me!"

 

Hermione looked as taken aback as Ron did and Harry could understand why.  He and Ginny had barely spoken to each other since that night they'd broken up, when he'd done his best to make her hate him.  He'd succeeded all too well.  Then he'd made the mistake of not dying at the hands of Voldemort and he'd lived to see her hatred grow.  But it hadn't changed anything. 

 

They were still in love, he knew it.  He could feel it.  Ginny loved him.  She might have stumbled away tonight, but he'd heard the sound of want in her voice just before she'd closed that door and walked out.  She'd wanted him to make her stay, she'd wanted him.  Wanted to go back to the way things used to be. 

 

The way they'd be again.

 

"Explain!" Ron said, grasping Harry by the elbow and pushing him roughly down onto the couch. Harry landed with a bounce and grinned up at his two best friends.  They'd seen him through so much, helped him more than he could ever say, but the one thing they'd never been able to help him with was Ginny and what had happened between them.  Well, now they could help out.

 

"She came to tell me about Zacharias tonight.  We slept together and she told me she loved me.  We've...well, I wouldn't say made up, but we don't hate each other.  Hell, I never hated her.  I hated myself for what I did.  I just took it out on her.  Bit stupid of me, really," he said and felt no guilt about telling them they'd slept together.  Why should he?  He loved her and wanted to spend the rest of his life with her. 

 

"You...slept together?" Hermione said.  Ron's face was starch white. "What about...what about Zacharias?"

 

Harry waved her off. "But don't you see?  She loves me!  She's only marrying him on the rebound!  She thinks she loves him, she's prepared to tell herself that and it's just not true.  She's making a mistake."

 

Hermione goggled at him, shaking her head. "Oh, Harry...are you sure?"

 

"Of course, I'm sure!" he laughed again. "I've never been more sure of something in my life!  I think I'm waking up for the first time.  I've been absolutely lost without her.  I could kill myself for letting her get with that stupid Smith bloke and to even think about letting him ask her to marry him...  It's my fault she's in this mess.  Well, I'm going to get her out of it."

 

Ron's voice was sharp, "What do you mean, get her out of it?"

 

"Well, I can't very well let her marry him!  She'll just be miserable for the rest of her life.  She loves me and I love her and we're meant to be together.  So, I'm going to break them up."

 

Hermione gasped, her hands over her mouth. "You're not serious!"

 

"Deadly," he said, taking a deep breath. "I know I sound mad and maybe I am a little insane right now, but I don't care.  I know what I know.  She loves me.  She fucking loves me, told me that with her own mouth and she still ran back to that wart.  Well, I'm not going to let her get away again.  That's why I came here."

 

"Here?" Hermione said weakly. "Why here?"

 

"Because, I need to know what you two know.  They're getting married.  When?"

 

Ron and Hermione exchanged an uneasy glance. Hermione answered, "They haven't set a date yet.  At least, not so far as I know.  They only just got engaged last week..."

 

"Engagement party then, when's that?"

 

"I don't know," Hermione said automatically, but Ron cleared his throat. She shot him a quelling glare, but he ignored it. "Ron, don't!"

 

"Hermione, he's going to find out!  And...besides...look at him!  He's in love with her, I've always known it and so have you.  If she loves him, then she shouldn't marry that arsehead Smith anyway.  You know I can't stand him and I hate that she's actually marrying him.  If Harry can stop it, I say let him!"

 

Harry looked at Hermione, who was fretting in the chair. "But...this is Ginny's life we're talking about.  It's her decision to make..."

 

"But she's making the wrong one," Harry insisted fiercely. "If she really loves Zach, then my doing anything won't matter.  But I won't know if I don't try.  And I have to try.  If I don't, I really will go mad, Hermione.  I need her.  I'm going to die without her."

 

Hermione shook her head, looking as if she wanted to cry and refused. "But Harry...you can't go back.  Sometimes, there's just no going back.  No matter how much we want to."

 

"I used to think that, Hermione," Harry said, leaning forward and grasping her hand.  He knew his eyes were fever-bright and hazy with barely concealed passion and hope. "And that's what kept me from going to her this past year.  But I'm through with that way of thinking.  I have hope now.  Hope is damned dangerous and I've never felt something so fucking wonderful in my life.  I love her, Hermione.  Help me get her."

 

Hermione squeezed his hand. "Harry..."

 

"Please," Harry squeezed out.  Hermione caved.

 

"She's...having an engagement party in three days.  In the ballroom of the Marylebone Hotel in Bloomsbury.  It's...it's at six-thirty.  Harry, don't do anything stupid!  Don't make it worse!"

 

Harry grinned and leaned in, kissing Hermione quickly on the lips. "Don't worry, I've got a plan!"

 

"What's that?" Ron demanded. "You're not going to just walk up to her, plant a kiss on her and declare that you love her?"

 

Harry grinned. "What else?"

 

Ron groaned. "When you end up getting your head blasted off, don't come crying to me."

 

Harry laughed. "My plan is going to work and you know why?"

 

"Why?"

 

Harry stood, his eyes shining, his heart soaring. "Because she wants it to work.  She may not know it, but she wants me to do something stupid, something dangerous.  She needs me to, because she won't do it herself.  She's afraid I'll hurt her again, but I won't, never again.  I swear on that."

 

Ron shook his head. "If this works, and I'm still registering my doubt...then I hope you don't.  I really hope you don't.  If she doesn't kill you, I will."

 

****

 

Ginny's smile was brittle, as she stood to the left of Zacharias, a flute of champagne in her shaky fingers.  Zach was talking animatedly to a co-worker of his, a huge grin on his face.  Did he never stop smiling?  Ginny was sure she'd never seen him look sour, at least not when he looked at her.  Why did he love her so much?  How could he, after what she'd done?

 

For the past three days she'd been walking a tightrope, the cherry pit of guilt growing colder and heavier in her stomach.  She was sure that someone knew, someone around her knew that she'd slept with another man, that she'd enjoyed it, that she...

 

She pushed the thoughts away, didn't dare dwell on them.  She was here at the Marylebone Hotel to celebrate her engagement and celebrate she would do.  She loved Zacharias.  He made her happy, had never hurt her.  Not like...

 

"Isn't that right, Ginny?" Zach said, turning to her and startling her out of her dark thoughts.  Zach chuckled at the lost look on her face. "Mind wandering?"

 

She shot him and his associate an apologetic grin. "Sorry, mind was on wedding plans.  If you'll excuse me, I think I'll go get something to nosh."

 

Zach kissed her temple and let her go.  She wandered off through the crowd, saying hello to family members, co-workers and friends.  She spotted Ron and Hermione in the corner, looking shifty-eyed and nervous.  She didn't know what that was about.  She hadn't seen them for a few days, but that was nothing new.  Since she'd broken up with...certain people, she hadn't spent as much time with them as she once had.  Still, she hadn't talked to them all night. Perhaps that was best; they knew Harry better than anyone, save Ginny.  They'd know what had happened if they got a close look at the brittle smile that she'd pasted to her face.

 

Oh yes, and if they knew...

 

Ginny stopped dead in her tracks, her eyes widening.  The flute of champagne teetered in her fingers.  Standing before her, appearing out of nowhere, was Harry.  He was wearing dark robes and a nervous expression.  His entire body seemed to be alive with fire, somehow.  His sensual mouth pulled into a tight-lipped smile, one that sent shockwaves down her body. 

 

His green eyes searched the crowd and then landed on her.  She was caught in the burning hot beams of his green eyes, caught like a moth in a jar.  All of the air seemed to whoosh out of her, her feet weren't connected to the ground and she was fairly sure she wasn't breathing.  Or maybe she was breathing too much?  She didn't know, couldn't think, because that cherry pit had burst open and born fruit. 

 

He approached her slowly, keeping her in place with his burning eyes.  The champagne glass teetered in her fingers again and this time, it went, falling toward the floor.  Harry caught it neatly in his hand and lifted it back up.  Not a drop had spilled.

 

"I think you dropped something," Harry said and his voice slithered into her ear like a tongue.  She felt her senses stirring to life again, felt her blood pumping rapidly through her veins. He grabbed her hand and pressed the glass back into her fingers.  The feel of his skin against hers made everything in her weep and melt and burn and freeze. 

 

He withdrew his hand and looked her up and down and she could see the lust in his eyes. "You look beautiful.  But then, you know that."

 

"What are you doing here?" she squeezed out, wanting to cry, wanting some outlet to her pain.  He shouldn't have been there, he should have stayed away, stayed in that bedroom at Grimmauld Place, forever staring at her from her memories with love in his eyes.  He shouldn’t be there in her life, wonderful and real and aching to be kissed. "Harry, this is my engagement party..."

 

He grinned at her and she remembered only too well that expression.  She hadn't seen it in so long.  Her heart ached.  Not just ached, throbbed.  Painfully. "I know perfectly well where I am.  Do you?  You look a little lost, like you can't remember how you got here."

 

Her eyes widened at the resonance in his words.  She had been feeling a little lost, bewildered.  She glared at him. "You're mad.  I know exactly how I got here, what I want to know is why you're here in the first place.  You weren't invited."

 

He shrugged. "Kick me out for gate-crashing then.  Let's make a scene, Ginny.  Lord knows I haven't made one in ages.  I'm sure all the witches and wizards in this room would love to see Harry Potter thrown flat on his arse into the street.  Be in the Prophet, I expect."

 

He laughed and the sound was like a symphony sawing away at her heart. "I won't throw you out, Harry.  But I hope you'll respect my wishes and leave.  I can't handle this, you, tonight.  Please go."

 

"You can't handle it because you don't want to be here," Harry said swiftly, leaning in.  His breath slid along her ear, sending goosebumps of delight spreading across her shoulders and down to her nipples. "You're not in love with that idiot you're marrying, Ginny, and you know it."

 

Ginny stiffened and stepped away from him, her blood running to ice. Harry's gaze hit hers again, searching, waiting perhaps for her to tell him off. "Leave, Harry.  I can't do this.  I just...I can't do this."

 

"Leave with me and I'll go," Harry said, grasping her hand.  She quickly pulled it away, feeling tears stinging her eyes.

 

"I love Zach," she whispered, feeling as if she had to explain to someone.  Maybe herself. "I love him and we're getting married and I've...said goodbye to the past.  I'm done with it."

 

"No, you're not," Harry whispered. "I'm the past and I'm still here.  You still love me, Ginny.  And I love you."

 

"Ginny?" Her heart skipped several crucial beats as she looked up, seeing Zacharias weaving his way toward her.  His blue eyes flicked from Ginny to Harry and rested on Harry.  A hostile look crossed his face and his eyes narrowed. "What's going on?"

 

She forced her brittle smile back on her face and gestured to Harry. "Zacharias, you remember Harry Potter?"

 

Harry held out his hand and grinned widely at Zach. "It's been ages, Smith.  How have you been?"

 

Zach looked at his hand for a moment and then shook it briefly. "Potter, of course I remember you.  You're a hero, after all."

 

There was an edge to Zach's voice, one that made the hair on the back of Ginny's neck stand up.  She looked between the two men, noting that Zach was taller than Harry by two inches.  They were almost exact opposites.  Blonde and black, blue and green. 

 

"Load of old nonsense," Harry said warmly. "Heroes are only good for getting other people killed."

 

"Well, you did your fair share of that as well, didn't you?" Zach clipped, his eyebrow arching.  Ginny looked at him, slightly taken aback.

 

"Zach!" she found herself saying, glaring at him.

 

"Well, it's the truth, Ginny, " Zach said, his voice harsh. He turned back to Harry, whose smile had faded. He was now looking pale. "It appears that my fiancée might have invited you, Potter, but I assure you, you aren't welcome here.  I'd leave.  And don't come near my fiancée again."

 

Harry's eyebrows rose. "Oh, you've got yourself a live one here, Ginny.  And here I took him for a fluff-headed idiot who didn't have two thoughts rubbing together.  He might just have three."

 

"Harry--you should go," Ginny said, feeling ill. "Please, for me."

 

Zacharias wheeled on her. "For you?  Why would he do anything for you, Ginny?  Or have you forgotten the past year!  It took you ages to get over him and now here he is!  He only wants you because I have you!"

 

"You're an idiot, Smith, and you always were!" Harry said, his gaze burning with the anger she'd seen in him that night. "And what makes you so sure you have her?"

 

Ginny faltered, her eyes pleading with Harry.  Not that...anything but that...  But Harry didn't spill their dark secret.  Zacharias didn't give him the chance.  He wheeled on Harry and glared with all of his might.

 

"Because, she's marrying me, Potter.  Me!  Not you.  She doesn't love you.  She hates you.  She loves me.  You lost her a long time ago and now I have her.  Now I'd leave, before I decide to turn your face into a welcome mat," he spat at Harry, getting into his face.  Ginny caught the expression in Harry's eyes.  It was a look of pure, unadulterated anger.  Rage.  The difference in their heights meant nothing.  Harry, in his rage, seemed to tower over Zacharias. 

 

"I'd love to see you try, Smith," Harry growled under his breath, making Ginny's nerves jump, as if they'd been singed.

 

Ginny put a trembling hand on Zach's, drawing him toward her. She wasn't thinking, couldn't think at all.  She was barely breathing as well, her lungs bursting for air. "Zach...come on...it's not worth it...  Harry?  Please go."

 

Harry caught her eye with another knee-quaking look and seemed to study her face, telling her....  He nodded and looked away, his mouth closed tightly.  Ginny saw Ron and Hermione materialize at his elbows, grasping him and drawing him away.  Ginny turned back to Zacharias, who was glaring after Harry with pure hatred in his eyes.

 

Once Harry was gone, he turned on Ginny. "Why did you invite him?"

 

She swallowed hard. "I didn't.  Ron must have."

 

"Your stupid fucking brother must have," he spat, making her stand up straight and glare at him.

 

"Don't call my brother that!" she said, putting her hands on her hips. "And by the way, I didn't appreciate the pissing contest.  You did everything but knock me on the head and drag me back to your cave!"

 

"I'm sorry, Ginny, but I hate that guy!  And the last time I checked, so did you!" Zach said, grabbing her wrist and hauling her into a corner of the ballroom, where there was less likelihood of their conversation being overheard. They still got a few stares from their guests; many of them had noticed the disturbance and were muttering under their breaths.  She spotted her mother, looking worried and her father, giving Zach a rather exasperated look. "So what's going on?"

 

The cherry pit of guilt in her stomach burned dully. She squeezed in much-needed air and looked up into Zach's face.  She'd never seen him so angry before and never angry with her.  "Nothing.  He just...showed up.  Don't worry, Zach," she reached out and took his hand, squeezing it, "Harry Potter is long gone."

 

Zach melted, just like she knew he would.  He wasn't used to being angry with her.  The fact that his anger dissipated so quickly grated on her nerves.  She wanted him to yell at her, to get to the bottom of things.  The cherry pit burned, burned badly. "I'm sorry, love.  I just really can't stand him.  But, tonight is not about that arse.  It's about you and me.  Come on, my mum is waiting to talk to you and your mum.  She's got some great ideas about where to have the wedding..."

 

And she let herself be carted off, pasting on that brittle smile once more.  She spoke to her mum and Zach's with only half of her mind involved.  Her brain was elsewhere, her heart too.  She could feel eyes burning into her and knew whose eyes they belonged to.  He hadn't left.  He was waiting. 

 

Waiting for her. 

 

Throat dry, she begged a trip to the loo and walked carefully across the floor, sure that anyone looking at her would know.  They would know and they'd think she was horrible...  And she was.  She was horrible.  She was a terrible person. 

 

She left the ballroom and went down a carpeted hallway on the Marylebone's ground floor.  She turned a blind corner, where a service entrance was located.  The door was locked.  There was a janitor's broom cupboard to her left, locked.  A dead end. 

 

Her breath heaved in her chest.  She felt dizzy, like something had broken in her skull and was now rattling around up there.  What was she doing?  Madness had leaked into her brain, madness and memories.

 

"Ginny?"

 

She turned around to face Harry and seeing him there in the hall was like seeing all of her fears laid bare.  She burst into tears, real tears, the ones she'd wanted to cry for days and couldn't.  Harry crossed the distance between them and pulled her into his arms.  She sank into his embrace, his scent in her nostrils and his warmth covering her, protecting her. 

 

"Oh God, Harry..." she sobbed, pushing her face into the crook of his neck.  He put his arms around her, his hands on the back of her shoulders, soothing her.  He breathed in rapidly, his chest expanding against hers.  A flood of pleasure and pain hit her. "What am I doing?  I can't do this!  Not again..."

 

Harry shushed her, his mouth on her forehead, kissing her gently over and over again. "I'm so sorry..."

 

"I can't feel this way, not again!  Not for you!  Why did you come?  Why?"

 

"I had to.  You know I had to.  One of us had to."

 

She pulled away from him, pushing him back a step. "We didn't have to do anything!  We just had to forget!  What happened the other night shouldn't have happened at all!  It was wrong!  He loves me, Harry!  He loves me and oh God...what have I done?"

 

Harry pulled her into his arms again, his hands in her hair. "You don't love him, Ginny.  You might think you do, but you know, deep down that you don't.  You love me."

 

"No, I don't," she sobbed brokenly, lying to herself.  Lying to the world.  But Harry knew.  He knew because she'd told him.  Why had she told him? "I can't.  I'm going to marry Zacharias so I can't love you.  I'm going to be happy."

 

"You're going to make a mistake," Harry whispered against her ear. "You know it, you feel it in your heart.  It's making you sick.  You want to run screaming, I can see it in your eyes.  Behind your smile, you're screaming already.  You're starting to believe the lie, Ginny.  Once you believe it, there'll be no coming back.  You have to stop it now."

 

"I can't!" she lifted her head, staring into Harry's soaked eyes.  He was crying, the look on his face desperate, filled with love.  Her heart ached, throbbed, split in two. "I'll be happy with Zach.  I can't be happy with you."

 

"You were happy once, with me.  Before I screwed up.  Don't you remember?"

 

And she did.  She remembered every second, every moment of bliss spent in his arms.  She remembered and ached for the past. "That was so long ago..."

 

"It wasn't that long," he whispered, bending to kiss the tears from her face.  She closed her eyes, feeling his lips against her cheeks. "You and I were meant to be, Ginny.  Look me in the eye and tell me you love Zacharias.  Look me in the eye and tell me that when you dream of the future, it's him you see at your side.  Look me in the eye and make me believe it."

 

"I don't know what I see, Harry," she said honestly. "But it's not this.  I'm trapped."

 

"You're not trapped," he said fiercely. "You can leave here, with me.  You don't ever have to look back."

 

"I can't do that.  I owe it to Zach, to everyone..."

 

"Owe him what?  The rest of your life?  I know you care about him, you don't want to hurt him, but you will eventually.  If you marry him, you're going to start hating him.  You're going to hate his smile, his voice, the way he treats you.  Everything.  Because you don't love him.  Then you'll be trapped.  The cage door is open right now.  If you go through with it, it'll close.  Fly, Ginny."

 

She buried her face against his robes, crying hard, holding him tightly. He was right.  She'd known it, deep down.  She didn't love Zach.  Cared for him a great deal, but it wasn't love.  Love was scary.  Love was earth shattering.  Love was Harry.  How had she ever fooled herself otherwise?

 

"I just want it all to stop," she sobbed.  Harry lifted her chin and looked into her swimming eyes. His expression was fierce, searching, open and raw.

 

"I love you, Ginny.  I never stopped and I never will."

 

Ginny's knees quaked. She found her tongue after much searching and she sobbed, "I love you too, Harry.  Oh God...I love you...love you so much..."

 

And she kissed him.  Kissed him hard, kissed him fierce, kissed him like she was drowning and might never get the chance again. Harry tightened his hold on her, dragging her against his chest.  His lips were warm and bruising and hard and frightening and familiar.  She remembered the way he'd look the other night, when he'd crawled toward her on the bed.  Like a lion.  He kissed her like a lion now, tearing into her flesh, tearing her open. 

 

She kissed him back with bruising force, not caring if she was caught, not caring about anything.  Her heart hurt, her whole body hurt, but one thing was right.  That was Harry.  She loved Harry and always had.  It might all come crashing down around their ears, but she didn't care.  She needed him again.  Now.  Forever.

 

She didn't know how they got to the locked janitor's broom cupboard, but they did.  Her back hit the door and she gasped, letting go of Harry's wonderful, drugging mouth.  He tried the handle and found it locked, like she knew it would be.  He cursed under his breath and pulled her wand from her pocket. 

 

"Alohamora!" he gasped, pushing her wand back into her dress robes pocket.  She pulled him into the closet and he kicked it shut with his foot.  It was pitchy black inside, but a second later, she blinked in the electric light from a bare bulb swinging overhead.  Harry had turned it on.  She blinked at him through bloodshot eyes and saw the look of love on his face, love and lust.

 

"We shouldn't," he said, feeling like one of them had to say it.  A token.   But she shook her head.

 

"Yes, we should," she said forcefully.  She put her arms around him again, her mouth attaching to his once more.  He pushed her up against the wall, his hands molding down her sides.  She shrugged out of her outer robes and let her fingers fall on his waist.  He pressed into her, his tongue sliding against hers, darting heavy and wet into her mouth.  She could feel his swelling excitement, could feel it pushing into the soft of her stomach, promising her things he had no right to promise her.

 

She molded her hand over the bulge in his trousers, making him hiss against her mouth.  She was teasing him, when she didn't want to tease him.  She wanted to give him everything she had to give.  She wanted him inside of her.  Wanted everything to be okay for even a few minutes.  Harry's angled his kisses, his mouth slanting over hers, his tongue darting rapidly into her mouth.  Every stroke of his tongue made her head spin, made her body spark with tingles of pleasure, which raced across her skin and pooled between her legs. 

 

She undid his trousers, swiftly, pushing her hand beneath the fabric, her hand closing over his jumping, hardening flesh.  She stroked him, making him push his hips against her hand, his breathing ragged as he broke away from her mouth.  One hand landed on her breasts and squeezed.  She gasped, arching her back toward him, needing him to touch her, touch every bit of her. 

 

"I need to be inside you," he managed as she stroked him.

 

"Yes, God, yes..." she panted, pulling her hand out of his trousers and helping him pull her knickers down.  They were lost in the swinging shadows caused by the light bulb and she didn't care if she ever found them again.  Let some janitor find them and wonder.  Wonder what wonderful thing had happened in his cupboard.

 

She tugged her skirt up, burning, aching for him.  He grasped the underside of one knee and lifted her against him, her pelvis thrust forward. He moved between her legs and she felt the crown of his cock at her wet, waiting opening.  She realized, with a tingle through her brain, that since that night with Harry, she hadn't slept with Zacharias.  For three days, she'd put him off, feigning exhaustion and a headache.  She'd thought it was because she felt guilty over Harry, but now she knew that wasn't the reason.  She'd wanted Harry.  Only Harry.

 

Harry thrust upward, filling her, sliding in wetly.  She cried out, clutching at him.  The feel of his hot member inside of her was overwhelming.  She couldn't think, didn't need to think.  This was right.  This was Harry.  He thrust into her, pushing her buttocks up against the wall.  She tightened her leg around his, and her mouth found his again.

 

He stroked into her, quickly, frantic.  They were both frantic, afraid that if they stopped it would all stop.  It would stop being real.  His thrusts made her head go back, sweat forming on her skin in the close confines of the cupboard.  She clutched at Harry, wanting him to sink into her, become a part of her...

 

"Don't stop..."

 

"Never," Harry growled, licking her neck. "You're mine.  Always mine."

 

She cried out as he thrust, hard and high, into her responsive body.  His pace quickened and she could feel the burn of his desire scorching her.  She let it burn her, taking her over.  She bathed in his fire, even as he bathed in hers.  She circled her hips downward, forward and back, rapidly, wanting the explosion, the moment of bliss to take her over and spin her away from reality.  Needed it. 

 

Harry let out a moan, one that turned into a growl as he thrust rapidly into her tight body. He came with a jerk, his body meeting hers with a rough impact, one that send shockwaves through her skin.  He spilled into her body, hot and wet and with a promise for more.  He kept moving, bringing her over the edge.  She teetered there for a moment, her head back, mouth open, and then she careened into sweet oblivion, his name on her lips.

 

****

 

Harry sank against Ginny, pinning her to the wall, still inside of her.  He was covered in sweat, filled with bliss, tremors running up and down his spine.  He was surprised that his legs hadn't given out on him.  Ginny's body was sweet, ripe and his.  His. 

 

He let go of her mouth, breathing in her scent, the smell of sex clogging the air like London fog.  He kissed her cheeks, realizing she was crying again.  He wished he could ease her pain, could turn back the clock, but there was no going back.  That much was true.  No matter how much he wanted to go back, he couldn't.  There was only forward and forward was Ginny. 

 

"I love you," he breathed between each saline-soaked kiss. "I'm sorry, for everything.  For what's going to happen, for what has happened."

 

Ginny sniffed, shaking in his arms, her hips still snug with his, burning him like sweet fire. "How can I do it, Harry?  I'm a horrible person.  I'm a horrible person, Harry.  Being with you, tonight.  I'm horrible, because I don't regret any of it."

 

He smoothed the hair from her sweaty forehead. "You know that's not true."

 

"I'm cheating on Zach," she said.

 

"You're cheating on your heart, by being with Zach," he said. "You don't love him.  You owe it to him to let him go."

 

"He's going to hate me."

 

"If he loves you, he could never hate you," Harry said lightly. Ginny looked into his eyes and he saw sadness and longing in her brown gaze. "I'm sorry, for what I've done."

 

"Don't be.  I'm not," she whispered, pushing on his shoulder a little.  He stepped back, withdrawing from her body with a feeling of regret.  But he knew it would not be the last time.  He wouldn't let it.  Not matter what happened. "And that's the problem."

 

"Come with me, Ginny," Harry said, his heart hurting for her. "Just leave here, like I said.  You don't have to see him right now."

 

But Ginny shook her head. "Yes, I do."

 

"It's going to be bad," he whispered.

 

"It already is," she said, pulling her dress down.  He righted his trousers as she pulled her outer robes on. They looked more or less dressed, but he could see the faintest blush of exertion on her cheeks.  She looked sad and in love.  He wondered how he looked as well; probably the same and a little mad.

 

Ginny leaned up and kissed his mouth again, swiftly, not letting the kiss linger, though he wanted it to.  He didn't want to leave that cramped little cupboard.  He wanted to spare her from the pain that would come.  But he couldn't.  Ginny stepped away and opened the door.  He stayed behind, his eyes shut for a moment.  Back to reality. 

 

Ginny hovered at the door and he looked up at her as he stepped out into the corridor. "I love you."

 

He smiled. "I know."

 

He cut his eyes to the end of the hallway and felt his heart drop, his smile melting in an instant.  Zacharias was standing at the end of the hallway, glaring down at them.  His fists were clenched at his sides and every blonde hair on his head was crackling with rage, a rage Harry felt as well. 

 

"What...what in the hell is this, Ginny?" Zach said, his eyes glassy with disbelief.  Ginny winced, tears forming in her eyes.

 

"Oh God..."

 

"What are you doing with him?  Why are you out here, you should be...in the ballroom.  I couldn't find you, so I came looking and...and you're out here with him.  Why are you out here with him?  WHY?"

 

"Zach, I can explain..."

 

But Zach shook his head, looking like he was drowning.  Harry felt sorry for him. "No, I don't need to hear you explain anything.