Keeping Secrets

Syn

NC-17

I do not own these characters.

Summary: Kate has secrets.  So does Jack.

Notes: Written for danamulder for my Holiday Ficathon Project.

 

****

 

"I was wondering who was down here.  Might have known it was you," Jack said as he stepped into the light of her campfire.  The red glow lit his eyes up, striking his handsome features.  Kate found herself smiling slightly. "What are you doing all the way down the beach?"

 

"I needed some time alone," she said, tossing another piece of driftwood onto her tiny beach fire. The fire flared, sparks rising into the air. "And I'm waiting for Sayid."

 

"He'll come back when he's ready," Jack said gently, sitting down in the sand next to her.  She had spread a towel she'd found in the luggage out beside the fire, to keep her free of sand and was now sitting on it.  Jack scooped up a handful of sand and sifted it through his long fingers. "Why are you really down here?"

 

"I just needed to be alone," she repeated, studying his features in the darkness. "Why are you here?  It's awfully late to be away from the Bat-cave, Mr. Wayne."

 

Jack smiled lop-sidedly at her. "Oh you know me, crime to fight.  Alfred's keeping the home fires burning."

 

"Same here," Kate said, looking down the beach.  She didn't expect to see anything and was rewarded with nothing. "I hope you're right."

 

"I know I am.  He's tough and capable," Jack said. "More of a leader than I am, really."

 

"Sayid is no leader.  He's too much like me," Kate said.

 

"A loner," Jack said, nodding his head. In an undertone, he added, "You don't have to be alone though."

 

"Yeah I do," Kate said slowly, looking back at him. Jack looked at her, blinking in the crackling firelight.

 

"Is it because of...what you did?  Why you were wanted?" he asked softly. Kate lowered her head, avoiding his gaze.  She was immediately irritated. 

 

"It doesn't matter anymore.  What I did or didn't do isn't relevant.  We're trapped here and we're probably never going to leave, right?  Isn't that why you're playing Susie Homemaker at the caves?"

 

"You know that's not what I'm doing.  It's just better there!"

 

"Right," she snapped, irritated.  Why did he have to ruin everything?  They were having a nice conversation and he was trying to push her into telling him what she'd done.  All she wanted was to leave the behind her. "Cave-ins and dead people!  A realtor's dream!"

 

"It has shelter and water, something this goddamned beach doesn't have!"

 

"Then go back there, Jack!  Go back there and play Adam!" Kate said, standing up. "We don't need you here!"

 

"We?" Jack said, cocking an eyebrow at her. She turned on him.

 

"Don't," she said in a measured voice. "He has nothing to do with this!  Don't bring him up!"

 

"Maybe I should," he said, standing. "You seemed awfully willing to kiss him."

 

"I did what I had to!" she snapped and then looked at him hard.  Hurt blossomed in her chest. "If you don't know how I feel..."

 

"Maybe I don't know how I feel?" Jack said in a rush. "I'm just so damned confused."

 

"About what?" Kate said, heart hammering in her chest.

 

"Everything.  Everyone's looking to me to lead.  What if I can't?  What if I fail?"

 

"Then you fail," Kate said. "You haven't let anyone down yet, Jack.  You're only human.  Don't try to be everything to everyone."

 

"But that's what they want!"

 

"What do you want?"

 

"I don't know," Jack said softly.  Then he looked up at her, his gaze burning, his mouth open slightly. He stepped close to her. "You."

 

"What?" she said, feeling light-headed.

 

"You."

 

Jack reached around, tugging at the scrunchy holding her hair back from her face.  With one gentle jerk of his wrist, he pulled it free, letting her dark tresses tumble around her face.  Kate blinked owlishly at him.

 

"Tell me what you did," he asked again as he cupped her chin in his hand, rough thumb sliding over her cheek.

 

Kate shook her head. "I can't.  I'm not that girl anymore."

 

"Were you ever that girl?" he asked softly, firelight making his brown eyes glow. 

 

"I think I wanted to be," she replied, "once upon a time."

 

"We all want to be something else but it doesn't mean we can be," Jack said, leaning in, his breath hot on her lips.  Kate's eyes fluttered closed. "I don't think you did anything."

 

"I think you're wrong," Kate said, eyes opening again, fixing him in her dark gaze.

 

"Tell me."

 

"I can't," Kate repeated, backing up a step, her heart drumming in her chest.  Jack stood there, his head down, eyes fixed on her, features thrown into stark relief from her tiny fire. She was startled to find she was crying.

 

"Kate!" She turned her back on Jack and, wiping at the tears creeping like rivers of molten lava down her cheeks, she walked away.  "Kate, please!"

 

"Go back to your cave, Jack!" she choked, her eyes on the dark abyss of the ocean, which was roaring loudly in her ears.  Jack grabbed her arm, spinning her around to face him.  Her hair clung to her wet cheeks, half-blinding her.  She found herself wrapped up in Jack's strong arms.  She could hear his heart hammering in his chest.  It was beating faster than hers.  "What are you doing?"

 

"I don't know," he said breathlessly, brushing her unbound hair from her eyes. "I really don't know."

 

Kate met his soft, haunted gaze. "It's about time."

 

Jack bent, capturing her lips in a scorching, searing kiss.  She clung to him, her stomach soaring as he angled his kisses, tongue thrusting into her mouth hungrily.  Kate wound her arms around his neck, lifting herself up on tiptoe.  Jack moaned into her mouth, twisting a hand in her dark hair, his stubble razing her skin.  They broke away for air and he kissed the tears from her cheeks.

 

"Kate...I..."

 

"Shh..." she said as he wrapped his arms around her waist and lifted her from the sand.  Her legs went around his middle automatically, meeting his mouth for another soft, torturous kiss.  He walked them back slowly toward her flicking fire and the thin towel she'd laid down on the sand.  He sank to his knees, covering her body with his own, his wonderfully pungent, sweaty scent filling her nostrils as she breathed him in.  The sand was soft beneath her as he drew back, brushing her hair from her eyes again.  She caught his hand and turned his palm upward, mouth lighting on the callused skin.

 

Jack kissed her again, prompting himself up on one elbow, free hand exploring her body.   Kate slid her hands down his shoulders to his shirt where she undid buttons, delving her hand inside and smoothing over his chest.  His mouth left hers, trailing down her chin and throat, which she arched in entreaty for more.

 

"This is," he said between kisses, his fingers reaching for the buttons on her khakis, "a bad...idea..."

 

"Shut up, Jack," she said, lifting her hips to allow him to slide her pants and underwear down her hips. "Stop thinking."

 

Jack obliged her, pulling her clothing off, mouth attaching to every bit of skin he could find.  Kate did the same, pulling his shirt off and tossing it aside in the sand.  Her fingers deftly unzipped his pants as he sank down between her bare thighs, his lips closing roughly over the dark brown peak of one nipple.  Both of them worked his pants down and he kicked them free, tongue swirling into her mouth again.

 

"Are you sure?" he said, teeth nipping at her chin. "No protection..."

 

"Yes," she said, arching her back.  She didn't care.  She was tired of being so uncertain about everything, tired of waiting to be rescued, tired of being scared.  She wanted to feel something.  She wanted to forget about everything for a moment.

 

Jack's mouth closed over hers and he thrust forward, filling her roughly.  Kate clenched her thighs around his hips, taking him with a cry of pleasure that came from both of their mouths.  Jack found her fingers and laced his hands with her, thrusting forward again, driving her against the sandy ground, which sifted beneath them.  She was thankful of the towel she'd found or she'd have sand in some interesting places...

 

Jack moved against her, his thrusts slow and methodical.  Kate gasped as her body responded to his sure strokes.  She opened her eyes and looked up at his unshaven face.  His expression was one of deep concentration.  Desire sparked in his dark, fire-reflected eyes as he breathed deeply, their bodies moving together toward the same dark purpose. 

 

Their pace quickened and Kate found herself gasping, pulling him down to her mouth, their bodies rocking together.  Pleasure radiated like a ripple in a pond from her center outward, her nerve-endings on fire.  Jack kissed her hard as she clung on, bringing her over the edge with one final, hard thrust.  Kate let out a throaty moan, body taut, hips jerking upward as he continued to fill her. 

 

Jack pulled out of her body suddenly and grunted as he took his penis in hand and stroked it one last time.  He came on the towel, breathing hard, sweat glistening on his forehead.  Kate watched, knees shaking as he let out a breath and looked up at her.  She bit down on her lip and reached for him, pulling him back down on top of her.  He kissed her once last time and then laid his head on her chest.

 

Breathing hard, they lay together, fire kissing their skin with warmth, sand clinging to their skin.  His stubbled cheeks grazed her sensitive breasts as her chest rose and fell. 

 

Kate didn't know what to say.  Jack didn't either. 

 

He sat up slowly, running his hand across his short hair.  He licked his lips and avoided her gaze. 

 

"Jack?"

 

"I...I have to get back," he said, reaching for his pants, "before it gets too late."

 

Kate reached for her shirt, pulling her legs up to her chin as she covered herself.  She watched as he pulled his pants on and then scooped up his shirt.

 

"Jack say something," she said, trembling. He looked down at her, sad eyes roving hungrily over her.  He had tears in his eyes. "Don't go."

 

"I'm sorry," he choked. "I shouldn't have..."

 

"Tell me it was a mistake and I'm going to kill you," she said, eyes flashing.

 

Jack shook his head and looked at her hard. "The only good thing to ever happen to me on this island has been you, Kate."

 

"What are you saying?"

 

"I'm saying," he said, turning away from her, "maybe I don't deserve something so good."

 

"What?"

 

"We all have secrets, Kate.  You keep yours and I'll keep mine," Jack said, turning on his heel and walking away.  Kate watched him disappear into the shadows, feeling cold and empty despite the fire crackling beside her.  She pulled her clothing on slowly and then curled up in the sand.  She closed her eyes and waited.

 

For what, she didn't know.  But she did it just the same.

 

(end)

 

****