A Coffin Made Of Glass

A Sorta Fairytale Series #3

Syn

NC-17

I do not own these characters.

Summary: River knows what she wants.

Notes: This series is dedicated to Meg, who knows why.

 

****

 

 

If I close my eyes and concentrate real hard I can still taste her and those damned apples.

 

Not that I am and not that I care. Been a week since that night in the galley and I watched Wash eat the last apple three days ago. I wanted to smack his head off, but I figured that wouldn't go with my new tolerant attitude and kept my mitts to myself. Don't help none that my engine is going full tilt and every time I get a glimpse of that girl I feel the sudden urge to give myself a good twist, if you know what I mean.

 

Truth is, I ain't on my game and it's starting to show.

 

I was too busy sleeping, dreaming about the gorram girl to join in on that fight with that bounty hunter. When I found out about it I was a little mad. She didn't try to wake me up to help. She didn't want anything to do with me...

 

And yesterday when we finally landed on Halcyon, I completely spaced out about the meeting with that client. Captain gave me a good chewing 'cause of it, but I wasn't paying much attention. Had my mind firmly fixed on that little thing watching me from inside the cargo bay. She just sat there and stared at me, her face half-hidden behind that stringy hair of hers. Every time I turned my back I could feel her eyes on me. Got damned uncomfortable until I left.

 

Still, I gotta wonder where the hell she is right now. Again, not that I care. Just hoping she's not lurking somewhere, tearing up things and...gorramit, I gotta stop thinkin' about her. I gotta find some way to pass the time since the Captain wants me on the ship while he and Zoë go out looking for whatever the hell it is we're doing this week. Sometimes I find it hard to keep up.

 

With a sigh, I settle myself down on the weight bench to work some of my frustration out. Getting all good and sweaty always makes me feel better. I bet I could get real nice and sweaty with...

 

Gorramit. Gotta stop thinking about her.

 

I lift the barbell over my head, counting in my mind and trying my best not to think about HER.

 

One. I should clean my guns after this. Two. I should clean my guns AND my knives. Three.  Knives...bad thoughts...bad thoughts.  Four. Don't think about knives. No knives.  No River.  Five. NO RIVER! Six. I wonder if she's wearing that...gorramit. Seven. I will not think about her...I will not think about her...Seven...wait...no? Eight?

 

Gorramit.

 

One...

 

****

 

I know I'm dreaming because no one cares what I'm doing. Everyone watches as I sit there with him, his hands on me and my hands on him and he's touching me, just touching me and no one cares. And then he kisses me and pushes me down and I can't stop it and I don't want to stop it because he sees me and when he says my name all I can do is explode. But suddenly I'm trapped. I can't move and everywhere I look it's all glass and smoke and mirrors and all I can see is my own face reflected back at me. But then I can see them all standing there, watching me as Simon pushes dirt on top of the glass. I can't see HIM though. Where is he? No questions answered because soon it's just me and the earthworms and the silence. And I'm not real anymore.

 

I'm awake.

 

Kaylee's laughter rips through the walls and settles in dewy drops on the bedspread. It's wet in here, all wet and glistening, like bubbles of soap. My head feels all fizzy, but it's a good kind of fizzy. There's a bandage on my inner arm again; the calling card of another one of Simon's drugs. Only this one likes me, makes me feel alive and everything seems so sharp to my eyes.

 

"Not fair!" Kaylee exclaims from the other room, her voice once again ripping through the walls. I get quietly out of the bed and inch along the floor to peer around the sliding door of my room. There she is, lying on my brother's bed, Simon's hands in her hair and his mouth inches from hers. His fingers inch downward and Kaylee laughs again, goosebumps rising along her neck and collarbone.

 

"Not fair? You're the one that started it..." Simon says, his eyes twinkling and his fingertips scraping across her skin. Kaylee's eyes close and I see her smile, haunting and full of joy. I know that smile. He's going to kiss her. Or she's going to kiss him.

 

"Did not. You--" she protests, only to have Simon's mouth devour her words. I watch for a moment as they kiss, melting into each other like keys that have finally found their locks. Then Simon reaches over and pulls the door shut and I'm left standing in the shadows of my room, trembling.

 

My mind flashes memories at me. A different mouth, different hands, wetness on my lips and a throbbing centered low in my belly. My skin itches, a warm flush crawling across my body and wet fingers of heat sliding across my mind and licking lower and lower. I grip the edge of the door, fighting for air, that fizzy feeling in my head making me want to spin and crash and burn and...

 

I take off, running for all I'm worth down the corridors. I need to get away, need to run from the things I can't stop, can't hide and can't feed. These things I feel can't be stopped or measured or poured into different glasses. I have to drink it all or I can't leave the table. I have to feed the craving or it'll just get worse.

 

More flashes. Mouth, fingers that taste like cider, hardness, strong arms...

 

I'm still running, past rooms, down stairs and past the galley. I want to stop and look and see if he's in there...see if he can make sense of it all. He knows these things. Knows I'm a real girl. He sees me and isn't afraid to treat me like a person and not some fragile flower.

 

Finally, I hit the cargo bay and stop dead at the railing, chest heaving and out of breath. Staring down into the darkness, I see him, sweating, lion body moving like he's trapped a pretty rabbit under some dark, prickly bush. I want to run down there and make him look at me like he did that night in the galley, but I can't make myself move.

 

I know what he's been thinking this past week. He's afraid of what I did, afraid of what he did, although he can't say it. He sees me and doesn't like what he sees. Shame burns deep in my chest. Can't move. Can't even make a sound. I want so many things...

 

Suddenly, his eyes shift upward and he starts, his face red, his muscles quivering in a way that makes me want to slide my hands across his skin and see if there are devils or mice under it. He puts his weights down and sits up, sweat dripping down his nose and his face riveted on mine.

 

He sees me...

 

****

 

Why's she looking at me like that?

 

She's just standing up there, her chest heaving, her face red and her mouth parted. Every vow to stop thinking about the girl goes out the ruttin' window.

 

"River?" I stand and start toward her, climbing the steps with a hand held out in front of me. I'm not sure why she looks like that and to tell you the truth, I'm a little nervous. Just because I've been having these thoughts about her don't mean I trust her anymore. A couple of kisses don't change the fact that she cut me down the middle. Still, she looks terrified and I can't hide the fact that I'm feeling a might bit protective of her, no matter how much it hurts my pride to admit it. "River? You okay, girl?"

 

She starts backward, her eyes raking over my body a moment before she closes them and takes a deep breath. "You see me."

 

"Yeah, I see you," I say, glancing around the empty cargo bay to see if anyone else is watching. I know everyone but Kaylee and the Doc went to town though and they ain't due back for quite some time. Still, I don't want anyone watching.

 

"What do you see?" she rubs her arm and takes another deep breath, her tongue darting out along her lower lip.

 

I don't rightly know what she means, but I hazard an answer. "I see you."

 

"Am I a girl?"

 

"Yeah, you're a girl. A crazy ass girl, but a girl. Why are you acting like that?" I say as she smiles at me in a way that makes my balls tighten.  She takes a step forward, her fingers digging into her arm right above a bandage near her elbow. More of her brother's wacky cures, I guess.

 

"Touch me."

 

"Wh-what?" Her statement is so outta left field that I'm left stumbling after her.

 

"Touch me, Jayne." Her eyes meet mine as she says my name and so help me God I can't help it. I want to touch her and I don't care if I shouldn't. Still, I just stand there like a stupid ass, torn between actual thought and action. "Touch me."

 

"Girl...I'm not...there you are doing it again! Just walking in here with your body all...and that smile and...I don't know why I even listen to you. You're crazy and I should never have kissed you. I wish the Alliance had got you in the first place and...what are you doing?" I ask as she steps up to me and grabs a handful of my t-shirt in her fingers, twisting it up, her face pressed against my chest.

 

I'm not really sure what to do so I just stand there, watching her as she puts her face against my chest, her fingers walking paths up my sweaty arms. She pushes her face all around my body, in the crook of my neck, my chest, my stomach, smelling me with this look on her face that makes me want to push her against the wall. One of her hands presses along my belly, dipping lower and lower until she spreads her fingers wide across the front of my pants. Before I can do anything, she's got her mouth on my neck, her tongue licking the sweat from my skin. Pleasure ripples through me and damned if I don't get hard as hell in a second.

 

"River..."

 

"Shhh...just touch me," she says against my chest, her mouth brushing against my throat, her hand rubbing me with feathery strokes. It's taking all my force not to throw her on the floor right now, but I can't. I'm not sure what the hell's going on here and no matter how much I want what she thinks she wants, I can't do it.

 

"No...girl..." I take her tiny shoulders in my hands and hold her at arms length.

 

"Please. I have to make it stop."

 

"Make what stop?" I say and she takes my hand in her own.

 

"This," she says as she shoves my hand between her legs. She's warm and wet on my fingers and I'm too startled to really react--something all too common when I'm dealing with this girl. The feel of her around my fingers hardens me even more and the look on her face don't help none. "I can't make it go away. I tried and it just stayed. You can help me."

 

Every fantasy I've entertained this past week seems to have come true and I'm not sure it's working out the way I imagined it. Nothing is ever as simple as it seems. It used to be before she got on the ship, but now I gotta think before I act. Not that I ain't doing no acting right now. My hands are still between her legs and she's clinging to my arm like I'm some sort of life support.

 

I walk her backward, pressing her against the metal bulwark as she lifts her mouth to mine. It's like we're still in the galley as our mouths slide over each others. Remembering her lessons, I start to go slow, but she nips my lips with her teeth and makes me go harder and faster. She presses her hips up onto my hand and I slide it further between her legs, warmth enveloping me, a gut-searing ache ripping through my body.

 

I grit my teeth as she once again brings her hand to my crotch, her fingers molding to my obvious erection. She squeezes me hard, making me jump in her hands and break away.

 

"River. This ain't...not here. Anybody could just come along and..."

 

"Jayne? Where are you at?"

 

"Gorramit..." I physically push the girl away from me. She stumbles sideways and hits the bulwark, her dress rumpled and her eyes full of tears. Great, another interruption, not that I ain't thankful for it. My resolve to grow a conscience was rapidly dissolving. Another minute alone with the girl and I would have done something damned stupid. As it is, I shove my guilty hand in my pocket and turn toward the cargo doors just in time to see Zoë and the Captain pull the Mule to a stop, three big boxes strapped to the back. They're dangerously early.

 

"There you are. Get down here and give us a hand," Mal says with a grunt as they put the box down on the floor.

 

"Yeah, be right there," I call and turn back toward River, but she's already gone. Gorramit. What the ruttin' hell have I done?

 

****

 

We're surrounded by blackness again. I didn't even get to go onto the planet. Sometimes I miss the dirt and trees and sky. Sometimes.

 

Everyone's asleep. I can hear Simon snoring lightly, his dreams full of nice, warm things. Maybe he's dreaming of Kaylee. Maybe she's dreaming of him. I don't want to sleep. Every time I close my eyes I feel like the walls are melting in on me. Like I'm in that coffin made of glass again.

 

My skin feels heavy on my bones and I think maybe I can feel his hands on me, ripping away layers and layers so he can see me underneath. That hidden layer scratches at me and I can feel it clawing it's way upward. I don't think I like Simon's drugs anymore. The fizzy feeling won't go away, even after he touched me.

 

I want more. He wanted it too; I could see it in his eyes. He wanted the things he thinks he shouldn't have. And I wanted him to have it. I wanted him to forgive himself for what he did. I still do...

 

I'm not sure how I got there, but I'm standing outside his door. I shake my head, trying to break the glass around my mind. I need to go down into his room and make him finish what he started, but I'm afraid of what he'll do. He's afraid of me. I could see it in his eyes.

 

I have to make him not afraid...

 

I pull the door down, wondering why he doesn't lock it. I thought he'd lock it... But no, I can just walk in any time I want. I close the hatch and I lower myself down the steps, hitting the floor with a muffled thump. The floor is cold again, but I can't feel it on my toes. I'm all over warm. Sweat sticks to my skin and that throbbing in my belly remains strong and persistent.

 

"Who the ruttin' hell is it?" he growls to the darkness, the glint of shiny metal in his hands. I peer through the shadows that grasp me with strange liquid fingers and raise my hands. "Speak up or I'll put a bullet in you, so help me..."

 

"It's me."

 

"River?" The gun lowers slightly and I see his hulking shadow on the bed relax. "Thought you mighta been another of those bounty hunters." He sounds slightly put out, like he wanted a fight.

 

"You were awake."

 

"Uh...couldn't sleep. What a minute, what are you doing in here?" he says as he reaches over to flip on the light. Brightness floods the small room and I look around. I've never been in here before. I glance over at the wall and squint at a picture there. Some girl with large breasts and bright blonde hair stares at us from an unflattering pose.

 

"She's pretty," I say, walking up to the picture and reaching out a hand to touch the glossy paper. Quick as lightning, he jumps up from the bed and rips the picture off the wall.

 

"Uh...she's...my cousin," he stammers and opens a drawer to stuff the picture in. I catch more pictures of pretty blonde girls inside before he slams the drawer shut and turns back on me. "What the ruttin' hell are you doing in here?"

 

"Why did you leave the door unlocked?" I counter as I walk over to his bed. The sheets are wrinkled and they smell like him. I touch his pillow and turn back to him, my eyes roving down across his half-naked body. He looks uncomfortable standing there before me, but I ignore him and smile.

 

"No reason."

 

"You were waiting on me."

 

"No..." he says unconvincingly as I take a step toward him. He steps back against the dresser, knocking into it with his hip and swearing under his breath. "You need to leave."

 

"Why?"

 

"Because I don't want you in here."

 

"You don't? When your fingers were inside me, you didn't want that either?" I take another step forward and, in the tiny room, it brings me right in front of him, so close we're practically touching. He swallows hard and shifts, his hands closing into fists as his muscles quiver from restraint. He wants to touch me...

 

"That was a mistake. I ain't interested in no little girl like you. You're crazy and you don't know what you're doing."

 

"Is that what you think?"

 

"It's what I know. Alliance done something to you. You ain't right and whatever it is you think you want, you can just forget about it. I ain't interested. I done enough in my life to guarantee a nice spot in Hell, I don't need this on my conscience too," Jayne spits, putting out a hand to touch me, but pulling back at the last second.

 

Tears well up in my eyes as he avoids my gaze. There's a raised, pale scar hidden beneath the light curls of hair on his chest. I did that. I know I did that but I don't know why.

 

"So, you don't see. You're just the like the rest of them. You want me buried with the earthworms too."

 

"I do see you! I just don't get you!" Jayne says as he throws his hands up in the air. That lion inside of his body moves again and I see the beast in his eyes. He's hungry, but he's fighting it. I have to make him see...

 

"I want you to understand, Jayne. I'm not a child. They all treat me like one, but I'm a girl with thoughts and feelings and I can't stop them. I can't make them go away," I say very slowly, so he'll understand and so my mouth can make the words come out right.

 

"You can't stop them? Like what the Doc said...you feel everything, you can't not feel it.  So when you feel...whatever it is you're feeling...it's just there until you stop feeling it?" His apple seed eyes screw up and he makes a face.

 

"Yes."

 

"What are you feeling right now?" he hazards, meeting my gaze for the first time.

 

"I think you know." He closes his eyes and lowers his head, body tense. I take that final step forward and touch his arm. "Do you want me, Jayne?"

 

"Got a feeling I can't really hide it," Jayne says I press against him, his erection easily felt at my stomach. His arms close around me as I tilt my head up to look him in the eyes.

 

"Make it stop."

 

"I don't think I can."

 

"Never hurt to try, you know." I smile and he pushes his hands through my hair, tangling his fingers behind my ears. "I want you to see me, Jayne."

 

"Show me," he says simply, kissing me the way I taught him. The lion in his body purrs as I push him toward his bed. He sits down heavily on the mattress and looks up at me. I straddle his lap, pulling my nightgown over my head with one smooth motion. His rough, fighter's hands close over my breasts, kneading the soft globes and making that fizzy feeling in my brain spark along my spine.

 

I push him backward so that he's lying down, bending to slide my tongue over the pale scar across his chest. I can't make it better now, but I want to try. He grunts and bucks his hips under me, his fingers squeezing hard enough to leave a bruise. But I don't care because he's touching me, feeling me, seeing the real me.

 

"River..." he moans my name and I hear the lion inside his body call for me. He's hard under my crotch, his erection straining against the soft cotton of his boxers. I grind my hips in an experimental circle and he hisses through his teeth, his eyes popping open and his mouth lifting to meet mine.

 

He kisses me in his own fashion, but this time I don't correct him. I want teeth and tongue, not sugar and all things nice. His hands are rough, but he uses them in the best way as he explores my body, fingers like claws as they push between my legs. I tremble and tilt my head back, pleasure rippling through me. I can't stop it. I don't want to stop it.

 

"See me...please see me..." I whisper as he flips me over onto the bed, his head between my breasts and his mouth making strange half-moons on my skin. His body settles over me, strange for the weight of him across my legs, yet comforting at the same time. I touch his scalp, running my fingers across his short hair as I arch my back. He starts to move lower and lower down my body, his fingers hooking in the edges of my underwear. With one short movement, he pulls them free of my legs and dips his head to my stomach.

 

His mouth is warm on my skin and his breath is sweet against me. Feeling suddenly, scarily naked beneath him is pleasant and it gets even pleasanter as he dips his face between my legs. I feel his strong fingers push inside of me, a startled breath escaping my lips as he kisses my stomach again, his tongue licking down between my legs and encircling the sensitive mound of flesh that aches almost painfully.

 

Things start to go gray as he pushes his fingers inside me, slow at first, drawing out his strokes as he stretches me. Little bits of darkness creep across my vision and my head spins. The glass around my mind starts to show cracks. I can't seem to breathe. His hands spread out across my hips and tugs me up to meet his hot mouth, which seems to know exactly what to do to me. His tongue flicks out in all the right places, making me quiver underneath him as he wets me with his fingers.

 

That tugging, throbbing feeling in my belly starts to rise and I toss back my head and lift my hips high into the air. He doesn't stop, as his strokes get more frantic. I can feel my body clench around his fingers and I think maybe I'm going to die. Or maybe I'm going to break, but I don't care. And then something does break and I cry out, eyes screwed shut like there's a monster in the room. My body trembles and he pushes his fingers deep inside me until I swear I'm breaking.

 

Then, I collapse, trembling, wet, sweating and shattered beneath him. And I'm still here. And he still sees me.

 

****

 

I look as she comes and the sight of her with my name on her lips gets me hard all over again. As she gulps in huge lungfuls of air, I move to cover her body with my own, noticing the shiver running across her skin.

 

"How was that?" I say, nuzzling her mouth with my nose. She kisses me once, wrapping her arms around my neck as she smiles.

 

"I hope that wasn't all."

 

"Gorram girl..." I say, kissing her again, but not unhappy that she wants more. She may have gotten off, but I ain't got my jollies yet and my engine is still going. I settle between her legs again as her hands pull my boxers down. I know that, by now, I shouldn't be startled when her hand wraps around my cock, but I am. All I can do is grunt into her neck and push her legs open with my knees. Something suddenly occurs to me. "You a virgin?"

 

"Doesn't matter," she says and smiles as she slides her soft hands down my cock, lifting her hips to meet my thrust. I go in smoothly, but her face screws up in pain. I kiss her mouth again, to make it better maybe. I don't know. I ain't used to this whole gentle thing. Instinct tells me to play this my way, but with her...instinct gets thrown into space.

 

I start slow again, pushing my hips against hers, filling her up and pulling back to do it again. She's tight and warm. Those little breasts that I've been dreaming about for so long fit perfectly into my hand. I roll them under my palm and swallow the moans she releases. Every other moan, she starts speaking gibberish and I can't understand a ruttin' thing she says. I try to pull away once, but she grabs a hold of my ass and bucks her hips upward.

 

I've never held much with control and all that and soon I can't hold on any longer. I start thrusting into her hard, making her writhe under me, her tiny body soft against mine. Her skin is pale and I remember thinking she was like Snow White or something. She doesn't taste like apples anymore though, but I like this new taste; it lingers on my lips and my tongue, making me quicken my pace even more as I swallow.

 

"No touching guns!" she exclaims as one of her hands pulls the blanket down that covers my wall of guns. Fear races through my veins, but she ignores the weaponry and kisses me again.

 

It's not long before I know I can't hold it. I pull out and come on the sheets as she tries to catch her breath. She looks up in confusion as I push back inside her, rocking my hips against hers until she cries out once again, her inner walls pulsating around me. I collapse over her again and take a deep breath.

 

"You realize I'm definitely going to Hell now, right?" I say into her neck as she wraps her arms around me, her fingers walking strange paths in my skin. She shivers and I grab the blankets, pulling them over us with a jerk.

 

"I've heard stories about Hell. I don't think anything that feels this good deserves eternal damnation." Her voice rumbles through my chest and all I can do is nod my head and shift to the side, curling my body around hers. I'm suddenly very, very sleepy. Too sleepy to really think about what we've just done. We both lay there for a few minutes until she speaks. "Are you going to sleep?"

 

"Yes," I mumble against her shoulder, my hand closing unconsciously around one of her breasts. She sighs and places her hand overtop mine. "You staying?"

 

"I have to get back to my room soon," she says, yawning, her body warm against my chest. I feel a surge of disappointment sift through the exhaustion. I want her to stay...

 

"Mmm..." I mutter in response as I drift off into sleep, still clutching her to me. But when I dream, it's still of her. Always of her...

 

****

 

When Jayne finally falls to sleep, I turn in his arms and study his face in the darkness. The lion is asleep in the sun after a long feed. I smile and shift my body again. I feel sore and my legs are all wobbly, but it's not too bad. That hollow throbbing that had started in my body is gone. His handprints are all over my body and that glass coffin around my mind has been broken open. He pulled me out of the dirt and now the earthworms can't reach me.

 

He made it stop. He saw me and he made it stop.

 

With a sigh, I start to get up, but his big hands pull me down again. I rest my head on his chest. I'll just lay here for a minute. I'm so tired, but I have to get back to my room. They wouldn't like it if I slept here. They wouldn't understand because they don't see me like he does.

 

They don't...

 

I pass into slumber unnoticed, naked, wrapped in his arms and dreamless for once. Finally dreamless...

 

(end)

 

****